3 min read

😵‍💫n Emails

like corporate spam, not this lovely one
😵‍💫n Emails

Content is spilling out of every channel and inbox and platform and it massively contributes noise to the signal:noise ratio of anyone’s device these days

It feels like every platform (that could be a simple website) tries to trap you into making an Account and then spamming you to death with shitty emails.

The checkbox that says “do not fucking send me marketing emails pls I just wanted to purchase one dog sweater” I think is there to just fuck with us. I imagine some dipshit cackling every time that checkbox gets clicked. Because….it doesn’t matter. Within days (or hours it feels) you get 1, 2, 3, emails (how can a dog sweater company possibly have that much content you wonder furiously searching for the hidden unsubscribe button)

And then if you do not act swiftly your inbox is clogged with weekly, monthly updates and promos as if any normal consumer purchases dog sweaters with that frequency.

It is almost like playing a game of hide and seek, trying to find that unsubscribe button. Sometimes crafty companies produce long enough emails that you have to do an extra click to unfurl the entire thing and then way at the bottom in tiny font is the link you seek.

Sometimes you get negged from the company with a fucking saying like

We're sorry if you didn't like our vibe. Here's where you can go to unsubscribe

ps i’m obsesssssssed with succession

(this is also true for popups that try and get you to sign up for a newsletter before you’ve even browsed the site! like chill bro let me order some appys first.)

Oh I’m sooooooo sorry open-source-search-engine-turned-monitoring-company it was definitely the vibe that turned me off not that I never actually ended up using your product and like fuck off if I want valuable content I’ll query for it myself. Just make sure your docs site is up to date.

or even better on the actual unsubscribe page some dark patterns with button colors double and triple checking “you sure you want to unsubscribe from EVERYTHING? why not just pick and choose from the 20 different options what content you want?”

“you sure?”

its maddening. No means no. Except in digital spaces. Half the time you don’t even get a yes/no but a “yes” and “I’ll have to think about it”.

Is this because different departments handle different comms and no one (ever) looks at things holistically from the user’s point of view?

If you can’t get a scroll back of all the touchpoints and communications you have had with a customer then….start there. Its fucking rough out here and pushing me further and further away from using the web for transactions.

Substack has shockingly had me spending more time reading emails because of the few subscriptions I have. The content is interesting, written by humans and for humans and is a reason to still maintain an email. (I really fantasize about just fucking off in the woods and only having a PO Box)

^ I don’t say that my content itself is interesting, I don’t proofread these really, and its evolved into a LiveJournalesque draft scratch space for topics I could write about with some polish, edit, and research.

dall e mini AI art generated from “peppa pig on the titantic”
norman on my crochet - he thinks every pillow and blanket is for him what a princelet.